My Cat Haley: Goddess worshipper, feminist, glamor queen

I have so many projects on the go right now, SO much I'm trying to accomplish, I'm losing my head. I have a million blog ideas, but keep losing time to write them. So instead today... a blog posting I wrote on my personal blog, about my cat Haley. Also known as Wolverbean because of her snickety-snick capabilities.


Friend Maewitch came over this week, and then Friend Midnightstreet. Minion, it turns out, flees from new visitors. Well we never have anyone over (usually our place is too crazy messy.) She'll come out after half an hour. Or in the case of the Videotron man, after I go get her.

Haley, though, was so happy to have guests--female guests. Tortoiseshell and calico cats--cats with an orange/black/white coloring--are almost always female. So Haley is a staunch feminist, one of the man-hating kind. She belongs to one of these ancient goddess-worshiping religions. So having girls over was great for Haley, it was like Sex and the City, let's break out the cocktails, let's talk about sex, let's wear high heels and designer clothes. (Haley can fight like Wolverine but you may have noticed her gorgeous coloring. She's wicked beautiful.) Midnightstreet maybe talked a bit too much about babies for her liking, but she was a chick so it was all good.

As for Maewitch, she is not only a feminist (non-man-hating) but also of a wiccan flavoring, so Haley instantly recognized in her an "âme soeur" (as it would be more accurately said in French.) She was rubbing against her legs in under a minute. Mae also looks like a model, sometimes glams up in super heels and purses, and runs an online store for indulgent and decadent (but natural and usually vegan) perfumes and soapies...

Haley was in for the whole package. The perfect combination of feminism, goddess worship, hippy-tude (Haley's from Vancouver), and glamor. Not since she met me has she taken so naturally to someone. Now I don't even know what she saw in me--I've always suspected she was just trying to seduce me into helping her escape a dog-ridden house (my mother's) and now I suspect her of trying to get Mae to take her away to what has recently become a pet-free home. Mae kept offering her "sisterhood fistbumps."

"I should be on the masthead of Mae's site."

"I am pretty and you know you want to indulge me."

While she did manage to wrap Mae around her manipulative paw, I could never let another person take Haley except under extreme circs because (a) Fernando and I have seen her in Wolverbean mode (we've both been clawed through our jeans and up to our shoulders) and suspect few people would have the patience for that (maybe Mae would, but her boyfriend would enter into a fight to the death and either one's death would be tragic).

(My money's on Haley.)

And (b) I lobes my Haley.   :-) 

But if Fernando and I die in tragic accidentaltude...

Minion goes to Swiss Girl.

Haley goes to Mae. (I'll leave instructions on preventing Wolverbean episodes in my will.)

Just to show how manipulative she is, both Mae and Midnight made the same comment when they left my home, on their respective visits: (in sweet voice, scratching Haley on the head) "I thought you were supposed to be the crazy one."

They didn't see the wicked wink Haley gave me behind their backs.



Here's the cartoon I drew about the visit for my husband, who's away. (Click to see bigger.)
 
(I drew a star of David lol. Clearly there's some Kabbalah thrown in here.)

Miss Marple to be played by Jennifer Garner &#^#&@(#Y*!!!!!!

For. The. Love.

This is wrong on soooo many levels. It tires me out just to think about it.

I'm not against a reboot or retake on an old Brit mystery series. Sherlock was one of my favorite shows last year. But Sherlock changed one thing: The historical period in which the Holmes stories took place. It was very faithful to the characters, the sidekicks, the baddies, the flaws, the feel, etc. And it modernized intelligently: the use of cell phones, internet, modern psychology "I'm not a psychokiller I'm a highly functioning sociopath."

But in this case...

* Is this going to be modernized? I assume so.

* Is it going to take place in the US? Probably. Americans in Brit roles are rare, and it's being produced by Disney.

* She's obviously going to be younger.

* I doubt the books describe Miss Marple closely (as they do Poirot), but Agatha Christie apparently said she would like to see Joan Hickson play her, as she eventually did, and many consider her the best Marple (as I do.) Certainly the best Marples have been diminutive women. Garner doesn't fit how I'd imagine a young Miss M to look.

But here's the thing. Miss Marple is one of the great Old Women Heroes. The fact that she's OLD and that she's a WOMAN is what makes her character--it's part of how she solves her mysteries. She's been observing human nature for years, and she has all these stories stored up in her mind; she recognizes patterns of behavior, and certain personality types. I'm sure she was a clever and observant young woman, but old age is one of her tools.

She's patient, she listens, she knows how to make people trust her, and talk; and then her brain pieces it all together. She's not a younger woman with ambitions and projects for her own life. She's an observer of other people.

And finally, she's underestimated, often considered a foolish, gossipy old woman. You can't have a Miss Marple without disregard for women, and without disregard for old age.

You can reproduce those things. Maybe they'll make their Miss Marple seem shy. Maybe the men around her will be sexist. I don't know. But the writing is going to have to be damn good to fauxproduce what made that character MISS MARPLE. And they'll still have to make a clever puzzle to boot, so hopefully they'll use an actual Christie plot (and not come up with their own predictable plot à la Gosford Park.)

But even then... even then it will have to be so totally knock-it-out-of-the-park feministly amazing to make this actually ok. Because in the end they're screwing with one of the VERY FEW elderly heroines in the history of movies, TV and literature. Miss Marple as an oldy has been deemed unworthy for the modern day big screen, and that SUCKS.

&^**&#^!!

Needed: condoms for after-sex insults

The Stay-at-Home Feminist Mom wrote about this article on Jezebel: (click to see larger/go to the article)

I think the study, and the resultant discussion at Feminist Mom, and part of the discussion on Jezebel, were all about women already in relationships, with men who might very well be attracted to them, want to sleep with them, but the women feel unattractive anyway. Or in some cases the sex is happening, but there's still this voice in the back your head saying "Why is this sex thing happening? I does not sport a sexy bod!"

But other discussions on Jezebel veered off towards single women and dating, as well as some women who are virgins because of how they feel about their bodies.

READ ALL THE COMMENTS!!
I ended up reading all the comments at Jezebel because one woman wrote:

This makes me want to write a book about how men see a naked girl. Come on! A naked girl in front of them!!! How hot is that? They're not sizing up the wobbly bits. Oh my goodness gracious. Poll men. They're not thinking anything except...a girl is nekked in front of me!!!!! Blood is rushing elsewhere in their body...they're not even really thinking. 

...and this started a kerfuffle with some others, as they brought up examples of horrible things men had said after sex. I was curious whether, if I read through the comments, I would find more examples of stupid things men had said, or supportive/accepting things. (The entire thread was mostly about heterosexual sex, because the few bisexual women who chimed in had had positive experiences with other women.)


In the end, more women had examples of nice things their partners had said, than mean things. I copied and pasted as I went, so you can compare the two lists at the end.

HAZARDS OF THE SEX!!!
A lot of other interesting conversations sprang up, and of course how a woman feels about her body isn't necessarily going to change depending on the support-a-tude, or lack thereof, of her partner. But most people, male or female, will experience some scarring if exposed to cruel or just thoughtless comments when nekkid. It's a hazard of sex, even in a committed and caring relationship. 


And it did get me thinking about how we choose our sexual partners, so we can at least minimize the chances that we're ever told "You'd be really hot if you weren't so fat" after sex. One woman in the comments finally asked: "Now, in the interest of helping ourselves identify and avoid getting naked with partners who are likely to be critical about naked bodies, what do you all consider red flags?"

I'm not sure if you can identify red flags, though I'd love to hear your thoughts.  The longer you date someone, there must be some. One person suggested how he talks about other women, but no one else chimed in.

A MATHEMATICAL EQUATION!!!!
I think the other way to avoid would be to have less partners. One of my science-ee friends could probably work out a good math equation for this, which would factor in:

* a measure of your self esteem as it relates to your naked body
* how much worth you place on that type of self esteem, in relation to the pleasure you get from sex
* and how much your risk of being exposed to cruel comments goes up, with the number of partners you have.


Which could be adjusted for things like where you pick them up, how long you know them for before you sleep with them, and your state of inebriation. (If you're really drunk, hey, you won't even remember what he said. If he's really drunk, he may not talk!)


OR JUST FEEL AWESOME
In the editorial/song "Wear Sunscreen" Mary Schmich wrote "Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with people who are reckless with yours'."  Maybe we could adapt this to: Don't be reckless with your Sense of Self. I'd like to think that a healthy sense of selfatude would sniff out the asshole before he ever made it to your bedroom, but I'm sure--aside from the regular Dumb Nice Guy Stuff*--some jerks do make it through. In which case, I hope we put on our best Miss Piggy and karate chop their asses to the curb, rather than collapse in sadness.

I think I'm entitled to feel awesome while naked in the privacy of my bedroom with someone who *wants* to be there. (Edit comment)  (earthly_delight on jezebel)

* Dumb Nice Guy Stuff: Like "Hey that dress makes you look pregnant!" :-D
______________________
MEANIE:

• I once had a partner tell me, "You could be hot if you just toned up." This was after we had sex, while I was standing there naked. (Edit comment)
•  I have had two men in my lifetime tell me that I was would look hotter if I lost weight. Ironically, that happened when I was the skinniest I've been in my life. One of the guys was actually fucking me, went soft, and he told me I was just too fat and he didn't find me attractive. 
• having a had more than one man actually stop mid-sex because they were so repulsed by my stretch marks and cellulite (at a time when I was a good bit more toned than now), been told I'm disgusting to look at and one memorable occasion, spat on by a man for how I looked while naked, I'm unable to relax and enjoy myself around sex these days
• One of my (straight-up gorgeous) friends slept with a guy, and afterward he listed her flaws and told her she should get plastic surgery. 
• I have very petite and beautiful friend who has had so much nasty stuff said to her. One of her bfs told her that her boobs were too small, another called her chubby (I won't name weight, but she IS tiny and when she told me that it pissed me off), and another made a comment about her vag being "the wrong shape."
• "You'd be hot if you weren't such a big fat girl"

POSITIVE:

• I'm overweight but when me and the bf (at the time) were intimate, he loved my body while I hated it.  
• the current bf wants to stroke my legs even when I haven't shaved for weeks
• Wow. I've been with my fellow at different weights spanning fifty pounds, and I've this has never been an issue. For either of us.
• I once had a partner say 'I like how you jiggel when we are fucking". Offended yet complimented...... (Edit comment) (Edit comment) I once had a partner say 'I like how you jiggel when we are fucking". 
• I personally find jiggling flesh (e.g. breasts) very erotic and so have many of my lovers.  
• lol, my ex once told me "you're so thick" but the way he said it...it was the greatest compliment he'd ever paid me about my appearance. =D (Edit comment) 
• I'm a size 24, and I am so freaking confident. MANY lovers love exactly this aspect of me. 
• I really don't think he would care (he actively encourages me to stop shaving my legs), but my body hair really bothers me.
• the understanding of my boyfriend and his reassuring me that I'm beautiful no matter what have helped me stop minding my legs when I'm with him
• I feel your pain about the body hair (and laser hair removal didn't do a damn thing for it). Luckily, I'm with someone that thinks I'm hot, so I'm a little less self-conscious about it. (Edit comment) 
• I've realized that things that seem glaringly obvious to me are usually things that they'd never notice. I mean, my weight has fluctated twenty-five pounds in the time I've slept with one partner, and he claims that he hasn't noticed. (Edit comment) 
• I also have very pale and delicate skin and stretch marks and scars (some self-inflicted) everywhere PLUS I am overweight and saggy. I have never had sex with a guy who didn't end up finding me attractive while I am naked in their bed. Usually they are VERY vocal about how sexy they find me. I feign confidence really well and guys totally dig that.
• I don't think he ever noticed my cellulite!!! He is too busy noticing I'm naked. 
• Most guys don't care about stretch marks or scars. Believe me. you think about it more than they do. (Edit comment) Most guys don't care about stretch marks or scars. Believe me. you think about it more than they do. 
• Here's what I've found out though, dudes really don't give a shit.Here's what I've found out though, dudes really don't give a shit.
• The media made this sweeping decision about what men in their 20s (or 30s or 40s or whatever) should be attracted to but in my experience men are varied. I mean, if men really weren't attracted to cellulite, stretch marks, soft tummies, big boobs, small boobs etc.. than they probably wouldn't be fucking at all!  The media made this sweeping decision about what men in their 20s (or 30s or 40s or whatever) should be attracted to but in my experience men are varied. I mean, if men really weren't attracted to cellulite, stretch marks, soft tummies, big boobs, small boobs etc.. than they probably wouldn't be fucking at all! 
• Though I'm far from svelte, I don't have this problem, but I think it's because I have a very supportive husband. (Edit comment) 
• I am currently at my highest weight of my life and am all kinds of saggy and jiggly, because I had twins less than a year ago. My husband loves me and he wants to have sex
• We have a tv show here in the UK called How To Look Good Naked ... almost all of the women say that they avoid letting their partner see them naked as they're so ashamed of their bodies. And their partners almost always say that they still find her sexy and gorgeous and desirable.
• My partner praises my body every day (he told me his favourite time of day is watching me undress for my shower each morning).      

[For the record, my husband falls in the "Positive" category.]

Earth Hour: Apparently it's anti-human

This is one of the most ignorant and plain old stupid opinion pieces I've ever come across. File this under Gary Larson's old header "People Unclear On the Concept."

I abhor Earth Hour. Abundant, cheap electricity has been the greatest source of human liberation in the 20th century. ... The whole mentality around Earth Hour demonizes electricity. I cannot do that, instead I celebrate it and all that it has provided for humanity. Earth Hour celebrates ignorance, poverty and backwardness. By repudiating the greatest engine of liberation it becomes an hour devoted to anti-humanism. ... I like visiting nature but I don’t want to live there, and I refuse to accept the idea that civilization with all its tradeoffs is something to be ashamed of. (The entire argument is here.)

People let peer pressure--such as the pressure that sometimes surrounds social movements--affect them in the weirdest ways. Like they invent really bad arguments to defend themselves. Just believe what you believe, be unashamed of your opinions, and don't be so bleeping defensive. (Like Kramer tried to do!) 'Cause the defensiveness, she is short-circuiting your logic.

Here are my two favorite replies from the comments of this editorial, one longer one shorter:

LONGER:

Starvation and malnutrition used to be universal killers, and were responsible for short lifespans ridden with diseases most of us have never heard of.

That doesn't mean we should waste food; we need to appreciate what we have, and be cognizant of the cost of that food.

Electricity is the same way. Some is produced by hydro electric, some by coal, some by nuclear, and a bit by solar and wind. There is a cost involved, and though that cost is not wrapped up into the price we pay for the electricity - it's externalized to society (and the world) as a whole. Dirty air, radiation (coal power produces radiation as well), dead birds (wind), damaged river systems (hydro electric), etc.

Earth hour is meaningless in the amount of electricity it saves, but it's purposeful in that it reminds us that it has a cost, both short term on our electrical bill, and long term in the degradation to the environment that supports us.

[And to the people whose villages get displaced by Hydro dams.]

SHORTER

The funny thing is that when I deliberately turn the lights off for an hour I find that at the end my appreciation for electricity is renewed.

So play nice. Light a candle and play scrabble for an hour. Or meditate for an hour on the power of power.

A little music to end your week (cause when's the last time you listened to Tears for Fears?)

A last simple post for the week. Suddenly thought of this song--was one of my faves in the early '90s. I wasn't a particular fan of the band in the 1980s, and then this song and "Sowing the Seeds of Love" came out and knocked my socks off.

"Woman in Chains" by Tears for Fears

Fave lines:
It's under my skin, but out of my hands
I'll tear it apart, but I won't understand


And just for the hella, here's "Sowing the Seeds"

Fave lines:
Read it in the books!
In the crannies and the nooks there are books to read!