Ria Mae - Clothes Off

Did I not post this one? One of the sexiest songs on airplay at the moment.

Vulnerability and facebook

Facebook isn't really suited to vulnerability. I'm not going to post details of my marriage Trials & Tribulations because my husband and lots of people he knows are on there. I get why people mostly post the good stuff, even if it fosters My Life Sucks Comparison Disorder

But I still like to hear someone bitching, or see pictures of kids being weirdos, or posts about politics and religion--I feel like I learn more about the person, and I feel facebookly closer to them. I have one friend who posts lots of pictures of his wife, and goes on about how much he loves her, but also posts honest feelings about his disappointments in life, with religion, with his work history etc. You can't fb-hate someone like that when they then post pictures of their happy marriage. You've connected to their vulnerability and like them all the more for it. They're human, they're like you.

Well, if we can't always do that on social media, we can at least do it in our fiction.

How to break the viewers' hearts, in 10 minutes or less

We didn't ball over (original) Spock's death because of his sacrifice, but because Mr Invulnerable became vulnerable. First, on a physical level--the usually tidy and clean cut officer is a mess. And second, he expresses his love for his best friend.

And Kirk's reaction is just right as well. We already took it to 11 (KAAAAAAAAAHN!!!) But this is someone he's known much longer than he knew his son. And as a man of action, what could make Kirk feel more vulnerable that to be forced to stand and watch, unable to make even a pretense of fixing it? And we see the physical expression of his powerlessness, when he flops down at the end like a puppet.

This scene is one of the reasons Wrath of Kahn is the best of the Star Trek series.



...And on another note, this scene is, again, the reason why we may not be disappointed by the new Star Wars movie. Love how the alternate universe concept shows us why Kirk and Spock became such good friends--how they're capable of the same great act of self sacrifice, given a role reversal. (Not to mention: KAAAAAAAAAHN!!!)

How to make the viewers love a character in 5 mins or less

We were rewatching the Star Trek reboot recently, and I was awed yet again at how the director* makes you care about the death of someone you've known about three minutes (Kirk's dad.) And it's not by making him sacrifice himself for his crew; it's by making him listen to the birth of his son and say to goodbye to his weeping wife right as he's dying.



(Of course, a lovely bit of scoring never hurts.)

You could only get more vulnerable by having the baby and wife die instead of him--but that's Mad Max, which is a whole other sort of thing.


____
* This is why JJ Abrams is our new hope.

More empathy than a Counselor Troy

I recently posted the Beatles' song "Getting Better" and my dad commented:

"I used to be cruel to my woman ... "

A raw and real lyric from John Lennon, apparently. You got to love songwriters who are willing to take the risk and put such things from their own lives out there...

And I've argued before that that's one of the ways Eminem and Kanye made it to the top of the rap ladder--by being vulnerable in their art.

Our couples' counselor is a big Brene Brown fan; but before him, there was my dad who read her books and wrote an article about her; and before him there was Lani Diane Rich. It was back when I listened to the Storywonk writing podcast that I first heard of her. She'd seen Brene's original hit Ted talk, and was struck with the realization that making your protagonist vulnerable is what will set them apart--this is what kicks your writing up a notch.

Even the King of Froth, PG Wodehouse, gave his characters weak spots--and we love Bertie Wooster all the more for his mortal dread of Aunt Agatha.

I don't think I fully got Lani's point, though, even after watching the Ted talk. Not even after reading Brene's first book. It really clicked when, in order to connect better with Fernando, I started to actively try and be more vulnerable and more empathetic. (It would have to be that way, right? You only understand empathy by practicing empathy?)

I'm trying to catch myself being unempathetic, and invulnerable, which means I'm in observation mode. Fernando's getting sick of it cause every time we watch a movie now I'm all "Ohh that scene worked because he made himself vulnerable." Or "Ohhh that was a poor empathy response." I basically rewatched all 6 Star Wars movies with a new lens on. (Fernando was patient, but he's hit his limit now. I'm vulner-banned.)

So this has basically come full circle. I started thinking about vuln/emp because of writing, it made its way through my intellectual and emotional lives, and now it's back to properly inform my understanding of art. And presumably make me a better writer. ...If I write.

Who can listen to this song one more time?

This is definitely one of my favorite Postmodern Jukebox productions. The pianist is having a blast.

I've got to admit it's getting better

This past winter, I remember walking out one day at the end of work, around 6 PM, and it was light outside for the first time. I mean, noticeably so. I felt a physical lifting inside me. A section of the low level depression I'd been feeling was just gone, as spring made its way in.

Sometimes you don't know how much the different elements of your life are getting you down, until one of them is changed. It was a weird feeling--and a bit of a relief to see how this one segment was so easily fixed.

Then, 5 weeks ago, I got my new job and--WHAM! Another chunk of depression fell off, like a crumbling Montreal overpass. And again, the difference was breathtaking. Bigger this time than the spring change.

So I've started to see my life in these discrete segments.

Obviously my marriage is one important one. I try not to talk about it too much on the blog, so I'll just say it's gotten better. We may stay together, we may not, but quality wise things are better. And when my happiness increases in other areas, it naturally affects the others. So the new job has helped A LOT.

This messy, disorganized home is another. I got a lot done on my vacation before my new job, and now work away at it in chunks. So I was feeling better. The warm August weather has sapped some energy, so I'm less satisfied... but things still happen. I finally hung up all the jewellery I'd bought in Nanaimo, and organized the rest. I cleaned out old writing papers (and read an amusing grade 7 essay.)

Since I can't do that much in the home, I've refocused on my writing--another important area. Not overly optimistic, but better than nothing. Oh, and I guess there are some areas I take for granted. The Friends & Family situation was always good. Different friends at different times, but always had supportive people around me.

When I was younger and I'd have a little depressed period, it would last 6 months, and then just sort of lift. But climbing out of a midlife crisis apparently requires some work, cause you become discontented with almost every area of your life! You're looking at everything in your life, taking stock, trying to redirect the course. There's a lot of deep thinking involved, a lot of confusion and what not. So it's not going to lift in a moment. But it's getting better all the time.

When you're reading Shakespeare's history plays about the War of the Roses...

it's confusing to wake up to this headline:

 

Meg Mac - Roll Up Your Sleeves

This one's good too.

Songs by Jerks #4 - "Tell Me More" (Grease)

For one reason:

Tell me more, tell me more
Did she put up a fight?

Creepy background singers. On the fromage level, I should also give special mention to friend Swis Girl's favorite cheese: Travolta's weird "Oh" at 3:07.



I never liked Grease anyway. Weirdly sexist or something. But "You Are the One That I Want" is a great song, and great for covering:

Brush up your Shakespeare: Helleth yes

Since I'm blathering on about Shakespeare... if you want some Shakespearian inspiration or education, I would recommend a few series.

Shakespeare Uncovered - Various actors and directors take you through a play, or series of plays, showing scenes from various productions and discussing the major themes. I'm just finishing up season 1, but there's a season 2 as well. It's good, it's well done--if you'll always wanted to get into Shakespeare, this is a great place to start.






Slings & Arrows - About a beleaguered Shakespeare festival in a small town, run by a has-been actor who's fighting against madness. All three seasons are brilliant.  Great characters, funny, sweet, sad, a great critique of corporate culture--but ultimately they wanted to inspire people to enjoy Shakespeare, and it succeeds there too.


For each season you follow two plays, and the King Lear in season 3 is my favorite. The Lear is played by a character who's dying of cancer, who's at times an asshole, at times falling apart--the final production of the play (what we see of it) is super moving. And the whole thing is dirt cheap if you download from apple.


Shakespeare Retold - Modernisations of Shakespeare (or retellings like the one I'm doing, or 10 Things I Hate About You, etc.) are not really Shakespeare-Shakespeare. Cause if you aren't listening to the language, to those incredible speeches, those beautiful turns of phrase--then how much Shakespeare is left? He lifted the plots, after all. But they can still bring a new understanding to a play, or simply inspiration to seek out the originals. This is a great series for that.

Actually I'm due for a rewatch, and I never did watch Macbeth. (Starring James McAvoy!)  I recall finding their Taming of the Shrew quite romantic.


BONUS - Two Elizabethan black guys see Othello for the first time!

"It's a beautiful world, boys and girls!"

I'm on a Shakespeare kick in part because I'm trying to adapt Richard II; but there's another reason.

It drives me crazy when I read a favorite author, and I'm overwhelmed by their talent. I simultaneously love them and want to murder them.

I've been reading some older PG Wodehouse, written when he was still discovering the style that would eventually make him one of the most revered comic writers in... hmm I can't say The West. Because one of his biggest fan bases is in India. Probably any country with educated English-speakers has a decent contingent of Wodehouse fans, cause he was a master of wordplay.

And one of his greatest masteries was over the simile. When you read a fabulous Pratchett simile, you are seeing the grandchild of PG Wodehouse. But they're almost non-existent in his early works. The comic characters are emerging, and the comic set pieces, but when do the similes start?

Of course I've tried to find clues in Wodehouse interviews to how he wrote so well. He once said he reads all of Shakespeare every year or so. In past I'd read that and think: What a different time we live in. People used to be so well read in the westerns classics. Not a virtue in and of itself--it's all Dead White Men--but there were so many Latin and ancient Greek and mythological and Biblical and Shakespearean references, it created a sort of common language among anyone educated in the English grammar school. Even Bertie Wooster, Wodehouse's dumbest character, could reference Balaam's ass thanks to his education.

It only occurred to me lately to wonder: What influence did this have on Wodehouse's writing, aside from his ability to reference Shakespeare? I only read or watch maybe one play per year.  Maybe what's missing in my writing is that I don't read Shakespeare every year!

I still don't see myself reading the swan of Avon's works annually. But I've started bookmarking various performances, because I could certainly up the number of the bard's works I watch every year. Then who knows... maybe in forty years I'll be a Wodehousian genius.

________
The brilliant scene where the normally shy, now drunk, Gussie Finknottle gives out the Snodsbury Grammar School prizes:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DoNBVEj3650

    "But let me tell you that there's nothing to stick on side about in winning a prize for Scripture knowledge. Bertie Wooster----"
    I don't know when I've had a nastier shock. I had been going on the assumption that, now that they had stopped him making his speech, Gussie's fangs had been drawn, as you might say. To duck my head down and resume my edging toward the door was with me the work of a moment.
   "Bertie Wooster won the Scripture-knowledge prize at a kids' school we were at together, and you know what he's like. But, of course, Bertie frankly cheated. He succeeded in scrounging that Scripture-knowledge trophy over the heads of better men by means of some of the rawest and most brazen swindling methods ever witnessed even at a school where such things were common. If that man's pockets, as he entered the examination-room, were not stuffed to bursting-point with lists of the kings of Judah----"
   I heard no more. A moment later I was out in God's air, fumbling with a fevered foot at the self-starter of the old car.

Yea Aulde Library

When I was in high school* I often went to the library after school, before going home. So much so that to this day I can't set foot in my library (the same one of my youth) without needing to go to the bathroom--since that was the first thing I would do after school. I'm 42 years old and still conditioned.

I'm on a bit of a Shakespeare bender right now, which brings me back to those high school library visits. Sometimes I would take the gigantic tome of complete Shakespeare, and just sit at a table and read. Eventually my parents bought me my own.

But I also loved to borrow the VHS and LP productions. I remember sitting in my bedroom by the LP-tape player my mother bought me, under head phones, listening to Shakespeare and opera.

I watched the tapes of the BBC's 1970s TV series of Shakespeare. I don't know if I watched all of them; and as my college Shakespeare teacher rightly pointed out, some of the productions were quite stilted. But it was about all the library had, so it was good enough for me. And there were lots of great actors, like Alan Rickman, Derek Jacobi, John Gielgud, Helen Mirren, Tim Piggot-Smith, John Rhys-Davies, Claire Bloom, Julian Glover, Kate Nelligan, Sinéad Cusack, Patrick Stewart, John Cleese, Jonathan Pryse, Anthony Hopkins, Penelope Wilton, Bob Hoskins, Ben Kingsley, etc.

I'm watching Shakespeare Uncovered (once again, borrowed from the library--I recommend) and they show clips from those old versions, which is what got me thinking about them.

...I don't have anything heavy-deep to say. Just revisiting an old love, rediscovering an old part of myself.

________
* Meaning grades 7-11. We only have one level of secondary school in Quebec, and it only goes to grade 11.

He can't feel his face!

You hear this song on the radio, it sounds like a standard R&B song, you tune out the lyrics. Until the chorus!

"I can't feel my face when I'm with you."

wtf? Is it about drugs? About love? About his career? About all three?

Also he has crazy hair.

Me & Ayn Rand 4

I think my final thought was/is this...

Sometimes people who support animal rights, or animal charities are criticized for caring more about animals than people. As long as there are starving kids, you shouldn't spend money on pets, or rescues, or causes, or Cecile the lion.

But I don't think you can approach charity with this sort of dry, utilitarian reasoning. Are we really going to take all the suffering of the world and rank it? And then only pay attention to the group at the top, while we ignore everyone else?

If there's a stray cat in your neighborhood, are you going to ignore it, or bring it to the SPCA to probably be put down, because how awful to spend money on extra cat food, and constructing a little hidey-hole for the stray--how awful to spend that money on a cat than on a child!

Someone on facebook the other day was criticizing the cities that have banned the sale of new animals, complaining that such decisions are unfair to good breeders, and take away people's choices, and then they're going to order online. (I don't know how you order a puppy online.) He finished it by criticizing people for making decisions based on emotions.

But we can't and should not ignore our emotions. Tolstoy tells a fable about a king who wants to learn when's the best time to begin something, the right people to listen to, and the most important thing to do. By the end of the fable he learned:

...there is only one time that is important -- Now! It is the most important time because it is the only time when we have any power. The most necessary man is he with whom you are, for no man knows whether he will ever have dealings with any one else: and the most important affair is, to do him good, because for that purpose alone was man sent into this life!' 

 I first read this in a kid's book, and think about it all the time. The most important person is the person in front of me. We're allowed to feel love and compassion for anyone, any creature, who crosses our path. It's good for us, and it's good for the world. Do I have a big scholarly argument to back me up? No. This is instinct. And the result of reading about Ayn Rand.

Me and Ayn Rand - part 3

Reading all this Ayn Rand drama helped me articulate the idea that the only way to really be logical is to pursue emotional intelligence. We have emotions, and we're going to have them no matter what we tell ourselves. If we ignore them, then we'll make all kinds of decisions that we think are based on logic, but aren't really. The emotions will try to break out of us no matter what we do; and in the process, break us.

Ayn Rand was a little dictator, and her pursuit of pure reason made herself and everyone around her unhappy.

Aside from my creativity, I can be pretty left brained. I like things to fit, I like answers, I like congruity, I like figuring shit out. Reading Ayn Rand's biographies, back in the day, reminded me that it's not possible to operate on pure logic. And for all our divided-braininess, our reason and emotions aren't totally divorced from each other. After all our most basic emotions are part of the ancient lizard part of our brain, and it evolved for the only purpose of survival. Eg. We follow the herd because the herd if usually right. We bully people different from ourselves, because in a close-to-the-bone existence difference can threaten the survival of the group. We feel mad, passionate feelings of love because it encourages procreation.

It's good that we can temper these reactions through a more modern reason-based lens; cause that reason is also a good survival mechanism. Protecting people who have original ideas and creative solutions helps you compete for resources; but you can't lessen bullying unless you acknowledge it exists, and understand why.

...I think I still have one more point to make. Stay tuned.

Me and Ayn Rand - Part 2

I later went on to write a short story about Ayn Rand. I forget the details, but it was a sci fi story where people could commission androids of famous people; and the Ayn Rand android ended up having a major emotional meltdown because of the contradictions in her programming.

And this is the heart of why I find Ayn Rand interesting: She's a great cautionary tale. Rand convinced herself and only logic mattered, and all decisions should be based on logic, not emotion. When she met a younger man--a big fan--whom she had a major crush on, she sat her husband down and logicked him into allowing her to have an affair (or an open relationship I guess.) She explained that for two such great minds to come together physically was simply the logical outcome of their soulmateyness. Her husband became an alcoholic.

Eventually Branden realized he wasn't attracted to Rand physically. He wasn't attracted to his wife either (they'd married at Rand's instigation), and then he met and fell in love with someone else. Both Branden and his wife feared the day he would have to tell Rand. And sure enough her fury was off the charts. She banished Branden from her circle, and eventually his wife too.

Me and Ayn Rand - part 1

The first year I worked in a big box bookstore is when I first heard of Ayn Rand. My boss and one co-worker were fans so out of curiosity I read Fountainhead. It was a weird experience; cause when you're reading Fountainhead you naturally think of arguments to counter her ideas, but her characters simultaneously tell you that if you're thinking of These Counter Arguments then it means you're (to use a useful expression) in the Matrix. So the first thing I noticed about her is that she wasn't so much making good arguments as trying to take away your power debate her by saying "And if you don't agree with me then it proves you're stupid."

I started hanging more and more with the co-worker fan--a bit younger than me, and came to Rand in his teens, as I later realized most do. Understandably. We liked to have long philosophical arguments about all kinds of things. Having been taught by Stephen Covey to "seek first to understand before seeking to be understood" I did a lot of listening, asking questions.

Then, I don't know why, I went to the library and got out a couple biographies. Hoo puppy. And then I became a fan. Not of Ayn Rand, but of Ayn Rand biographies. She was mostly a horrible person teaching terrible ideas, but a very interesting woman.

When I reported back to my friend that the woman who espoused individuality above all else, had kept about her a cult of personality and brooked no (and I mean NOOOOO) dissent, it disillusioned him.

Sean Connery Shakespeare

Been watching The Hollow Crown, which my mum got me for Christmas a couple years back. A combo of Richard II / Henry IVs / Henry V.



Love that speech from Richard II: "For God's sake let us sit upon the ground and tell sad stories of the death of kings..." Interesting to watch the different takes on it.

And I see they're making a second series with the Henry VIs and Richard III starring Cumberbatch.

This is actually the second time that the Richard II / Henry IVs / Henry V plays were turned into a mini-series. In the 60s there was a series called An Age of Kings which did all the above mentioned plays. And included James Bond as Hotspur.

Heavy Deep Talks With a Nephew

I'm listening to my husband having a long chat with his oldest nephew. They're quite alike in some ways. Fernando often gets frustrated with me for speaking off the cuff without thoroughly thinking through what I'm going to say before saying it--and we found out his nephew does the same thing. Think it all through, then speak. (Not sure the nephew's age, but he's a preteen.)

They're reading The Hobbit and The Maze Runner together. The conversation started off with Tolkien, then moved on to the n-word, slavery and the confederate flag.

Then Fernando spoke to him about empathy. How it's easy to hurt people's feelings; but to be good you need to have empathy and learn how to listen and how to speak.

They just touched on Hitler. Living in a police state.

The overarching theme seems to be: Read books, cause they will teach you all these important things you need to know.

Now he's teaching him that he's privileged. lol

I'm often quite proud of him, this person I married.

The Great Disappointments

Yesterday I discovered my old copy of Richard II. I thought I'd never read it, but upon opening the book and seeing scribbled notes, I realize I must have read it for my Shakespeare course at McGill! It was the most boring class ever, taught by a man with occasional flashes of wit, but far past his years of enthusiasm. Funny, I do remember reading A Winter's Tale in his class, but that's it. Year long course and I don't remember what we studied. Yet here are my notes.

Another nice side effect of my new job--my nails have grown back!

- 2 visions of monarchy in R2, mutually exclusive in this play...

R is a victim but gets release by taking command of own destruction

Bolingbroke = hero of the play
Northumberland = platwright and director
BUT enter stage left, Ricky!
a self dramatist who steals the show
- better at this game
-changes directions

Hmm, these are interesting notes. 

This class was one of the great disappointments of my English BA. The other was the Greek mythology course--a filled auditorium at the beginning, reduced to 10 people by the end. Most boring prof ever. Now he was still enthusiastic--but mostly about showing us his slides from all his trips to Greece, and the various places mentioned in the myths.

Slide after slide of this. Except more brown grass, and smaller bits of ruins.