Show Some Respect (to your fears)

I'm once again blogread! Phew. 

Yesterday Skye wrote about the three reactions to danger: Fight, flight or freeze. And then said something that reminded me of the book Mindsight: "And the primitive part of my brain is very strong."

I think she's so right.

One of the chapters in Mindsight is about helping a newly-teen girl who was developing OCD, though this part of his advice that I'm about to mention would be helpful to just about anyone.

He told her that part of the brain developed over millions of years to keep us safe. He calls the system "the checker" and it scans for danger, alerts us, then motivates us to act.

He had her begin meditating, and learning to discern when an alert was being sounded, and to differentiate the checker part of her brain from the feeling of terror. Then he advised her that, when she felt it kicking into action, to say:

I've seen on some blogs where the idea is promoted to bitch-slap negative voices in our heads. Like, if we have a negative self talk (you're a failure, you'll never do this, etc) -- to tell that bitch to sit down and shut up. I've never been crazy about this idea, cause the thing is... that's still you talking. Why would you give yourself a smack down? 

So I liked this next part where Siegel explains the thinking behind this bit of self dialogue:

Heh heh, I love that. This is a millions year old part of your brain, dedicated to the thing your body most wants--to survive. If you fight it, you'll lose. Just show some respect.

We all afraid of something here

Cause you ain't human without fear

   

Criticizing the Fashion Industry: time to step our game

My first media feminist course in junior college (Cegep) was Images of Women in Media and the focus was on--obviously--image. Because of my mother, I wasn't a novice at feministing and such, but looking at how women are portrayed in a movie, or magazine, or story is a good starting point for a foundation in critical thinking.

Then I moved on to university which broadened and deepened my understanding of sexism and racism and ismism to more than just How People Are Portrayed.

On that note... I just read a great post about the fashion industry, by hanna brooks olsen*, that attempts to pull the "image" issues--the easier surface issues--away for a moment, in order to look at some other aspects of the industry.

Surface issues like: Is there only one beauty type in modeling? Is it unfair to judge women models by their looks? Do runway models promote eating disorders? Ms. olsen takes issue with some of these points, but I don't want to engage on them because THE POINT, for me, is that we spend so much time on those issues that we don't talk about anything else.

Such as two other points she made:

* That financial shows only talk about this female-driven industry during fashion week, and do so in a condescending or downright sexist manner (please go read the quote by the Duke law professor on her blog, and then Be Outraged);

* That in fashion circles a female journalist can wear makeup and five inch heels and not be asked if she's someone's girlfriend, as she would be in most other media circles. Why why??

So here's my concern. If we spend all our time having not-overly-informed debates on the-same-old-fashion-issues are we sidestepping The Man and attacking our own?

I am way too lazy for five inch heels and makeup, but I don't knock them because my supa-feminist-witchy-way-intelligent-gorgeous best friend rocks them like nobody's business. And I defend her right to wear false eyelashes and Like Pretty Things and be taken seriously as a business woman. Just as, when I was in Political Science, I defended the right of my brilliant doctoral colleague to wear five inch sparkly heels and enter beauty contests, all the while kicking intellectual sand in the brains of the older students about her. (She would sneak-show me her sparkly shoes in the lobby of the library, and I confessed I was writing a romance novel.)

I'm not saying we should never talk about The Usual Suspects of the fashion world, if only because I hate the lack of fashion choice available for my size 16ness at Zellers. But I do think it's time we ratcheted up the research and thought behind our discourse. We're not in junior college anymore. :-)

Please read Ms. olsen's post. Eez good. I hope she posts more on this topic, because I don't have time to read all the good fashion business and political stuff she obviously follows--I need someone to summarize it for me!

_______
* Julie-Lunarmom-Betty's daughter.

Where could I be without my mistakes?

One of the Betties is Judy, Judy, Judy who writes a blog where she puts up all the good bits of books she's enjoyed. Her current fave, which she's already mailed out to another Betty, is The Love Goddess' Cooking School by Melissa Senate.

You can read J, J, J's full post here, but this is one of the quotes she pulled out for special mention, and what follows in blue is her comment on it:

“…mistakes can bring you where you need to be.”

I’ve made so many mistakes I shudder to think where I could be if they weren’t taking me where I need to be.

Ms Senate's original phrase is graceful, lovely and to the point. It's good writing. But I have to say... J, J, J's negative reversal of the phrase really struck me. Where would I be without my mistakes? It's a weird thought.

We imagine that if we don't make mistakes we'll take the straight and easiest path to our destination, and therefore all mistakes = bad.

Certainly I don't want to imply all mistakes = good. Or that repeating the same mistake over and over again is, well, endlessly useful. Burning my tongue on hot soup once is information. Doing it two or three more times is a lesson in impatience. Doing it another twenty times is stupid.

But those first few times are important. Who would I be if I never burned my tongue on soup? I guess I'd be an exceedingly cautious person? Who has maybe never had a hot bowl of soup in her life because she always waited too long for it to cool down? Or would "no mistakes" mean I would research the perfect soup temperature and use a thermometer? Which means I wouldn't eat soup outside of the house cause who wants to carry around a thermometer all the time? I guess I'd miss out on some life experiences. Which just leads to other kinds of mistakes.

I'm not sure where I'd be without my mistakes. But I'm afraid who I would be is a shadowy version of myself. A kind of ghost maybe. Safe but ...insubstantial?