Holy crap meditating works

I said yesterday that I only set one goal this year. But I was working on things. Mostly mindfulness and meditation. I didn't meditate every day, but it has become a habit. Especially if I'm feeling tired and skittish, or depressed, or upset.

My technique is this: To sit quietly (in my bedroom, in the break room at work) and start counting my breaths. Nice deep ones, cause they really help to regulate emotion I've discovered. It's harder to cry or feel butterflies in the stomach if you're breathing deeply. I also followed the advice of one yoga dude to count OUT and then IN rather than the opposite way. So that each count is ending on a high note (breathing in new air, new life) rather than a down note (breathing out the stale air). Maybe it's silly, but it requires a bit more concentration, so then I focus more on that, and less on my problems.

Once the breathing's going, then I just listen to everything around me. I become mindful of my surroundings. I listen to the traffic, or the tick of the clock, or the people around me on the train speaking Chinese. I might keep my eyes on one spot, but try to take in what's in my peripheral vision. Anything to get the brain focusing on the NOW. This moment right now. Not what's just happened, not my worries about the future, just the moment I'm in.

I also remember one advice from Deepak Chopra: The most important being in the world is the one in front of you right now.

Sometimes my emotions are so upset, I can't get away from them. So then I just try to sit with them, with acceptance. I'm allowed to be worried, heart broken, etc.

I would do that for 1 - 5 minutes. Just trying to give the right brain space to breathe. Cause the right side lives in the moment, doesn't care what people think of it, doesn't worry--it just is. And it's more connected to the emotional cues coming from the body.

So here's are the cool things I learned from this:

(1) I had read that emotion starts in the body, and then goes to the right side of the brain. And by being more mindful of my body, I realized it's true. Butterflies in the stomach, or light headedness, or warmth in the arms, or a rapidly beating heart... there were all kinds of physical reactions I became aware of while meditating. Once aware of them, I could change them. Once they died down, then my emotions settled down. Cause I was no longer sending panicky cues to my brain.

(2) The short-term effect (right after meditating) wasn't to feel jolly. I would end up feeling sort of neutral. My body was calm, and I'd go along with my day. Have my lunch, watch TV, read a book, whatever.

(3) Here's the really neat part... I noticed a LONG term effect. I noticed that later in the day, or the week, I was no longer stressing over whatever had upset me. My problems didn't have quite as strong a hold on me.

For example, one day I was pissed off at someone. I vented to my parents, then went off to my room for the evening. I meditated for a minute or two, then went on with my TV watching. Hours later I suddenly realized: I'm not thinking about this person anymore. I haven't thought about it for hours. I don't feel the least bit upset.

WTF!!!

That happened a couple times. Things that I know would normally be preying on my mind, keeping me awake at night, etc. ...I just wasn't obsessing over them. I know that in the past, even if I forgot about something upsetting for, say, an hour, once I thought about it again it would trigger my emotions again. I would be hit by butterflies in the stomach, or whatever. But that's happening less and less.

I don't think any of this is showing on the outside. I think people still see me as stressed and skittish. But I can see the difference inside and it's vair vair interesting.
 

Opération Quest: Experimenting with living in the future

In April I wrote about Martha Beck's advice that we can work on living today as though the outcome we desire has already happened. I later posted her guided meditation, as meditating is one way to develop this skill. I now have an example to give of how I tried this out in my life, and why I think it was beneficial.

Last week my mother and I took her oldy cat Purdy to the vet because we thought she had rotten teeth. But preliminary blood tests showed she had late stage kidney disease, so we chose to put her down.

Before we knew about the kidney disease I practiced envisioning Purdy as tooth-healed, no longer in pain, happy and calm and eating easily. Envisioning a happy healthy outcome didn't stop Purdy from dying; but I would hazard to guess that being calm and happy around her made her last days calmer and happier than if I'd fretted and worried. We all pick up on non-verbal cues, after all. I would have been putting out vibes that said "There's something very wrong!!"

To be clear, I see a difference between empty fantasizing, and inhabiting the emotions. This is about conjuring how it would feel if we were at our ideal weight, or if we had our ideal job, or if we were published authors. For example, today I was weeding my mother's yard and the deeper I got into it, the more work I realized there was. So I said to myself: How would I feel if it were already done? Well, not discouraged or overwhelmed, right?

This technique seems to help in two ways: First, to reach our goals...

• I'm more likely to exercise because I already love my body and want to care for it;
• I exude confidence at an interview because I already believe I'm successful and valued;
• I hammer out my daily word count cause I know I'm talented, I'm a great writer, and writers write;
• I keep weeding instead of throwing in the trowel and heading indoors to watch Buffy reruns.

Every day we get to write on our brain, participate in who we'll be in one year. If you spend the year focusing on how your body is a disappointment, limited, ugly, blobby, or whatever, what effect will that have on your brain? Seems healthier to write onto our brains the things we think we'd be if we were in shape: strong, powerful, beautiful.

But there's a second effect of thinking this way: It makes our present happier. So that no matter what the outcome is, life will have still been emotionally satisying.

RIP little Purdy-girl

"I see the rainbow bridge! Ooh it really is rainbow colored."