It's 5 AM so I gotta keep this short. Evil Minion is trying to convince me to go to bed, cause that's when she gets her crunchies.
I'm one day behind in my blog reading again. But it's okay, I blame it on the Topamax. Which one wise Betty pointed out, sounds like Tampax. That can't be good.
One of my friends was concerned by my description of Topamax side effects. I understand some people don't like to take drugs that might f*** with their brains. I can't say it super bothers me. Because...
1. Well, I'm just not so attached to this life that I'm determined to keep it forever. "This causes cancer! This causes death!" Yes yes. I WILL die one day. But that's a post for another day.
2. I'm not anti-"natural remedies" but I'm not anti-science either.
3. The thing about my original malady, having headaches every single day, all day, is that that has side effects too. Chronic headaches also cause foggy thinking. And depression. And frustration and aggression. I can't wear glasses, hats, headphones, or anything else on my head. It gets to a point where I can't read, do work/homework, or concentrate. So... anytime I take a new drug I'm just weighing the side effects of the drug against the "side effects" of having headaches all the time.
4. I'm an intellectually curious person. This will sound insensitive but... I would probably like to experience what it's like to feel suicidal, if it were in a controlled setting. (Topamax has this effect on a small number of people, in a short period of time.) Because then I could understand how that feels. I've never felt suicidal, but I know many who have.
What I have experienced with Top, is what it's like to have uncontrollable crying, or to feel like your emotions are on edge. And to feel hopeless. To borrow a phrase someone else used, Hopelessness was never on the Mabel Menu until this past February. It wasn't pleasant, and I'm thankful I only felt it in a narrow way (towards my marriage), but it was a great learning experience. Or empathetic experience. I can't say I want to give that up, or that I regret it.
My parents will recall that when I had to have jaw surgery, at 16, I was excited because it would be good experience. Everything in those days was seen through the lens of: This is good experience for my writing!
And so... on we go with Topamax, 100 mg. Today I had a completely clear day, except for the last hour. Which always happens when I DON'T GO TO BED ON TIME. Well, I can try one of my new painkillers then. Goodnight!
4 comments:
2 things:
a) no-one gets out alive ... and
b) Sweet Dreams
Hope you feel better! And if the medicine weren't necessary for health and/or quality of life, of course no one would take it. But I don't assume anything I take will give me hives or incontinence or dry mouth or whatever it says on the package insert I throw away faithfully.
"or whatever it says on the package insert I throw away faithfully."
lol
lol
That's about the size of it.
Being healthy is the slowest way to die.
Aging - it ain't for sissies!
and Topo messes with brain? apparent evidence - NOT going to bed on time when it is known that headache:... always happens when I DON'T GO TO BED ON TIME
Go to bed on time!! sheesh already.
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security word: exploar - defn. a has-been ploar. They're insufferable, really - trust me.
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