I tell you: Positive Thinking is a Survival Skill!

Can't believe yesterday I forgot to put in this half-empty cartoon that my brother sent me once when I was feeling discouraged about something BIG. It was exactly what I needed.

"It doesn't matter if the glass is half full or half empty, 

I am gonna drink it through this crazy straw!"

(Especially on point because my mother was the type of mother who always found things like crazy straws and spider rings before any other parent on the block. Never one to pass up a novelty thrill, that's my mother. She had pink flamingos loooong before they were trendy.)

Also my brother was the one who first told me about this book years ago. But I'm sleepy so I won't be quoting, just retelling from memory...

The story of the scientist who lost half her brain exemplifies both of the Optimism Arguments I made Monday and Tuesday. For those who've never heard of her, Jill Bolte-Taylor had a stroke on the left side of her brain, which allowed her to really understand just what the right brain does in terms of being creative and uninhibited, and experiencing her Self as being at one with the matter around her. Not in a woo-ee way, but seriously, concretely. She had trouble distinguishing her hand from the desk, and it was really Nice. And when people came to visit her, though she couldn't understand their words at first, she sensed energy from them, and if they were draining her energy (if they were rude, impatient) she'd shut them out.

1st: The Hopeful Unrealistic Goal

Jill was told all sorts of dire things by the doctors about not recovering full use of her left brain functions (speech, memory, logical thinking etc). She says she needed people who believed she would completely recover from her stroke, in order to recover. She needed people to believe that she would recover full use of her left brain, even if it wasn't "realistic" to believe this. Believing in an island under the milk was key to her recovery, and having those around her believe too.

2nd: Positive Thoughts About Her Successes

She and her mother (her caregiver) both believed that it was absolutely crucial to celebrate every success she had, even though they pretty much consisted of reading one word and then sleeping the rest of the day. No negative thoughts or ideas were allowed. She took the well wishing cards people sent and hung them all over her house, even though she couldn't read them.

And she did recover use of the left side of her brain. Against the early predictions of her doctors. And she also got the insight of her right brain out of it--a more balanced and peaceful life. And the ability to help other stroke sufferers.

So put that in your Pollyanna pipe and smoke it. ;-)

           

Always look on the bright side of death

I realized as I was reading and writing about optimism yesterday that there are many different aspects to it. Usually when we think of optimism we think of the "Pollyanna" glass half full thing. So when I put "optimism" into the Google image search last night I got these...

I like these first two as examples of how you can view the positive in a situation, even beyond the half empty half full cliché:

 

I like this one cause it's silly.

 

This one is a good example of why realists get annoyed by what they call the Pollyannas. 

There are many situations that are like the glasses in the first two pictures--there really is something positive there, and the person is just NOT seeing it. Or there are some situations that are just medium crappy and by being really negative, you're just making yourself and everyone around you even more miserable. 

I've been in work situations like that. Everyone's pissed about the dress code, or a new software system, and after the normal mourning period there's still a percentage of people who just won't get over it. Even if they're right and the new system is worse than the old one--your grumpypusskin face isn't going to change your company's mind. Only time and bad experiences will do that.

So it's not even a question of seeing the glass as half full, but of refocusing your attention on other stuff. Of getting on with your life. Maybe your work life is half full, but your friend life is a full plate of chocolate chip cookies.

But if the thing that's half full is something BIG like... you're in a concentration camp... then f*** that guy who says "but look at the bright side... you lost those extra pounds! ...You don't have to decide what to wear in the morning! ...You don't have to go to your in-laws on sabbath supper anymore!" "I'M IN A DEATH CAMP!!"

Trying to see the bright side in every situation is trite and insulting. There might be something positive happening, but that doesn't mean we need to be cheered up by it, or we have to appreciate it.

Viktor Frankl believed there was value and meaning to be found in seeing how you react in the face of injustice and suffering, but he wrote that later, right? After he was out of Auschwitz, when he was trying to help other survivors recover from post-traumatic stress.

BUT... I do have one more "but."

I do think there is one kind of positive thinking that you should retain throughout a crappy situation, and that's positive thinking about yourself. You don't have to see the glass as half full, you don't have to see Beauty and Meaning in your suffering, but I think we should always try to speak well of ourselves. Because again, I think that's basic to our survival and recovery.

So when you're depressed and you accomplish something, I do believe you should acknowledge it. At a very minimum, stay neutral and don't run yourself down! But how much better to say, "Today I cleaned up the kitchen, I felt productive." "Today I redid my CV I only procrastinated half as much as usual, I'm getting better at this."

I agree that in a concentration camp setting (since I keep using the Frankl example) one isn't going to care how well one paved a road for the Nazis. But Frankl wrote, "The way in which a man accepts his fate and all the suffering it entails... gives him ample opportunity--even under the most difficult circumstances--to add a deeper meaning to his life." So maybe meaning-in-suffering was meaningful even at the time of the suffering. Because it was the only thing you could feel good about.

For example, Frankl had the chance to escape at one point when he was treating patients, but he just couldn't leave him. After deciding to stay, "I had gained an inward peace that I had never experienced before. I returned to the hut, sat down on the boards at my countryman's feet and tried to comfort him; then I chatted with the others, trying to quiet them in their delirium." And he remembered the men who would give away their last piece of bread to others, because choosing to be that kind of person was the one thing their captors couldn't take from them.

So it seems like even in the direst of situations, "being positive" might simply mean remembering what you like about yourself, patting yourself on the back for those things (let's be egotistical for a moment), and keeping those things. Keeping your character isn't your #1 concern when survival is at stake, but it's probably a survival mechanism. Like the hope/focus-on-future I wrote about yesterday, I think Frankl is saying: This is another prop to keep you standing at the darkest times.

Alright, that's two non-"Pollyanna" aspects of positive thinking. Now I promised you a story. I recently met a woman whose father has Alzheimer's--she and her brother care for him. They decided early on that they would cope with the situation by using humor: They joke about the situation as much as possible. Not cruelly, bu about the eccentric situations Alzheimer's creates.

The way their father will suddenly speak out loud during a hushed moment between songs at church; or the way, during a trip to the Maritimes, he got to *rediscover* calamari every day (or some such seafood) because he'd forgotten what it was. It helps them be more patient, and therefore helps him to be happier. When her mother was still alive, she had a stroke and couldn't speak, and this woman said it was quite comical to see the two of them trying to communicate.

It was the first non-heart breaking Alzheimer's story I'd ever heard. (And reminds me I owe her an email!)

Today's song--a no-brainer