Then I realized that wasn't always the right approach. Not every time. Because my feelings are valid, after all. And fear is natural to humans--helps keep us alive, part of all these years of evolution. It's natural to worry.
And then I remembered that's the main lesson they teach you about meditating anyway. To think: This is jus a thought, or just a feeling. It's not good, it's not bad, it's neutral. Don't judge your thoughts or feelings, just observe them.
And only then, when I let them be, did they lift. After, I remembered that study where if you tell someone not to think about something, their brains latch onto it even more. According to the dude who studied this, in ideal conditions (rested, relaxed) we can suppress unwanted thoughts. But when we're stressed...
the ironic monitoring process means that the more desperate and pressured you feel, the more intensively you'll brood about (and potentially do) the very things you've sworn off. (Martha Beck talking about Daniel Wegner's study in The Four-Day Win.)
Beck brought this up in relation to trying to not think about food or your weight, in the context of dieting and so forth. But I was experiencing the same thing that day in my little spot. At other times doing the Calming Thinking totally helped. But I had to realize: Today what my feelings want are to be left the hell alone.
3 comments:
In massage school they taught us never to say 'relax' to a client for that very reason. Because 9 times out of 10 they obsess about how they can't relax and why.
Ya gots to feel your feelings even if ya know, they're just feelings.
I've never really thought about it, but if I'm in a mood and someone asks how I am and I say "Pissed". Makes me WAY more pissy, or sad or weepy or whatever it is I'm feeling.
I now just say: Stinky Cat Food' That post got me through a few rough patches last week. Thanks.
Sometimes feelins' gotta feel!
"I MUST relax. I MUST relax!"
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