Rebooting Myself One System at a Time

Nothing specific on my mind tonight, so I thought I'd look at the past few months and write a progress report. I told Stepmommy I'm like a computer rebooting--just one system coming back online at a time. I'll try to put these in rough order of onlineness.

Equilibrium March
The mountains and ocean do help one regain a sense of inner calm.

Bedtime March
For years I've had an annoying compulsion to get up and go to the bathroom 5 times before being able to fall asleep. There's almost nothing there, it's just psychological. Maybe because sometimes there's something to pee, my brain's determined to try over and over. Just in case. I totally sympathize with OCDness, since a compulsion is something that if you give in to it gives momentary relief, but rebuilds up again.

But last March I wondered if maybe I stopped drinking fluids hours before, it would help. So I stopped about 5-7 hours before going to sleep. I just kept my sippy cup with water, in case I needed to drink a wee bit. And it worked! The dried out bladder seems to override my fears, and now bedtime's less a struggle.

Home Organization April
Though I had the time, I didn't have the mental-emotional energy in 2011. But I wanted to leave the place in a state of some clear-a-tude for my husband when I came out here, so I finally dove in and caught up.

Writing May
I haven't been writing every day, but I worked on my craft or my novel's plot most of the year, and did 60 000 words in May, and finally worked out the plot for realz in July, and have done some writing in August. Still not writing like the carefree madwoman of my youth, but we're getting there.

Meditation May
I've meditated regularly since May. Not every day, though I'm getting closer to that. Not usually more than 10 minutes, unless it's a guided meditation. I'm trying to add a little yoga to the mix, since it's meditation related. I have yet to experience my left-brain-chatter switching off, but no pressure. Meditation is most certainly not the place for criticism.

 

Moving July
The ability to do stuff, get things done. Helping my mum fix up her house helped me finally muster up a little zipedeedo.

Job Hunting July
I did stuff in fits and starts all year, but it wasn't until I was back in Nanaimo that I was organized, and time cleared to do this every day.

Food July
I don't like to talk about this cause I think we spend way too much time talking about weight loss in North America, esp. women. But I'll make an exception. I'm 5'10'', medium boned, pear shaped, weighed 150 in my youth, was happy anywhere up to 200 lbs. But this winter went up to 225. And there was no mystery to it, I knew I was eating more. (Many possible reasons why I was eating more, ranging from depression to new med to suspected perimenopause, but all this to say I wasn't just eating the same and gaining weight.)

So I started with tracking my food--not every day, but enough days that I have a realistic framework in mind. Before I was eating well over 2000 calories/day. Right now I aim for 1600-1700 calories, at which level I don't starve, don't go hungry, don't feel deprived. My snacky brain is still there though, so for the first time I'm reading a weight loss book--only because it's Martha Beck and focused on meditation and changing the brain. I was at 225 in March, I'm at 215 now. Aiming at 200. And that's the end of my song.

Water August

I didn't used to drink water. It sloshes around in my belly and mimics the feeling of hunger. I need a little lemon in there, or a herbal tea bag, or a tablespoon of juice. But because of the bedtime issue, I started drinking water, just in wee sips. So now I don't mind it. I still won't glug it, though.

Personal Organization August
I'm fairly organized, but I wanted to bring my game up a notch before my next job. Ages ago I bought David Allen's popular Getting Things Done, but am just now reading and implementing it. Will report back.

Veganism ?
The more my life was going off the tracks, the harder it was to resist junk food in the house that my husband bought and therefore wasn't necessarily vegan. In December I let myself have a vegetarian month, and since then wavered up and down in terms of my ability. It's like the program keeps coming online and crashing. But as with all things, no guilt, no pressure. Just accepting myself as I am at this time.

Exercise ?

Still in fits and starts since the Great Dog Walking Months of May - July. Could go either way.

My spirituality, blogging, friend networks, family, and hubby-kitty-family never went offline, so that's all stable for now. Thanks for everyone's support during this time of reboot-ahj. Now I just need a job so I can have a reason to boot up the budgeting program! Would love to have some money to manage.