"Our life evokes our character. You find out more about yourself as you go on. That's why it's good to be able to put yourself in situations that will evoke your higher nature rather than your lower. 'Lead us not into temptation.'" Joseph Campbell
Heard this as I flipped past Jimmy Fallon. By the way, if you want to buy this song it's called "Lippy Kids" not "Build a Rocket Boys" or even "Build a Rocking Horse." Just a little tip for ya.
I got an ipad. I don't normally buy new toys before everyone else--I just got my first cell phone too, if that tells you anything. The excuse was that it's to help for work. An actual excuse, cause I wasn't planning the ipad plunge for years. But I'll take it off my budget for a new computer. ANYway here's the #1 thing you need to know about ipads:
Cats can barely keep off them!!
This is my friend's little guy, JR. He's flopped over the back of the sofa, staring at the ipad. Usually he's trying to walk on it--he loves the reflections he sees.
Minion was also inexorably drawn to it when I got it out of the box. Not watching reflections, but just determined to walk on it no matter where I put it.
"Oh this is teh new toy, eh? (yawn)"
"But what's that?"
"Ho now Mahmmy that's a toy."
Happened to catch the American Prime Suspect premiere. I like a lot of the male actors, the show was pretty good, but I found Maria Bello bland. Tough, but not at all gritty. She's not a mess. She's got this beautiful apartment and hot boyfriend and wears her cute little hat... Jane Tennyson as a Barbie.
Caught the last 10 minutes of The Sweetest Thing. It's not *a good movie* but I remember enjoying it because it's a movie with funny women, like Bridesmaids. Not Sex&theCity type, not run of the mill rom com humor, but funny like Stupid Boy Movies. Willing to embarrass themselves, act like idiots.
I also rewatched Return to Me, which I remembered liking. I'd forgotten how funny the side characters are, all of them. Both the scenes with Bonnie Hunt and Jim Belushi, and the ones with the oldies acting like matchmakers. Really, really funny.
I tuned out the Oprah channel for awhile cause there was only one show I loved and I'd seen most of the episodes--the one where they profiled successful people. The Jay-Z, Maya Angelou and Oprah ones were excellent. But this year they've got two new shows that interest me. One is Visionaries, that follows around famous creative people (Tom Ford, will.i.am); and another where Oprah talks about lessons learned on her old show, using clips etc.
It'll be like the Best Parts version of her old show.
An idea that is developed and put into action is more important than an idea that exists only as an idea. - Siddhartha Gautama Buddha
So positive thinking week continues here in Mabel Land...
Maybe one of the reasons positive thinking gets a bad rap is because some portray it as:
(A) Think positive --> (B) Things get better
without inserting some sort of action between A and B. And when that doesn't work, people get all anti-stoopid-positive-thinking. It's bunk, this positive thinking crapolatude.
* Want something passionately
* Be positive AND do everything in your power to bring it about
* Then let go of your desire
* Trust that whether you Get or Don't Get the thing you were aiming for, it will be the right path for your life
In one case this led her down a totally unexpected path: She wanted to be a teacher, and ended up a talk show host, where she did teacherly things. If she had never let go of the teacher dream maybe she would have become a mediocre teacher, or a good but unhappy teacher, or ended up in some other random job bitter and depressed. But instead she let the dream go and allowed life to lead her down a new path.
Another time, she desired with all her heart to act in the film version of The Color Purple. It looked like she wouldn't get it, but she kept doing what she thought she should, until one day as she ran 'round the track at a fat farm she finally let the dream go, completely. A moment later she got a call from Spielberg who said to get out! If she lost a single pound she wouldn't get the part!
In both cases she didn't sit back and stare at the wall, waiting to become a teacher, or waiting to get the part. She did all she could do, and then let go.
I don't write this as a shaming--someone who is in a depression or has a chronic illness, etc. might be capable of less *action* in pursuit of their goals. Whatever "doing everything in one's power" means can only be judged by ourselves. But Helen Keller said, "because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do." (She was a total Pollyanna.)
All this to say, positive thinking should lead to some action (unless you just need to meditate cause you're very stressed out.) But equally important--once you've done your darnedest--recognize it, and shift directions before you drive yourself mad, or into depression and bitterness.
(I've drawn this card twice in the last few months, once in each direction. Lolz!)
Ally (right side up) The Phoenix is constantly reinventing itself and rises up whole and new and even more powerful with every death it experiences. This could signal an end of a relationship -or a dynamic within one- or an end of a job, a project, or even a life.
Perhaps no failure is involved, but it's time for a complete overhaul of your circumstances. You may be tired of what you're doing, or you may know intuitively that it's time to move on and try something new. Whatever the case, a death of the old and a celebration of the new are called for! Whatever you do now will indeed be a successful endeavor, for a rebirth is imminent!
Challenger (upside down) When the Phoenix challenges you, it’s really just a gentle reminder to let go and let what doesn’t work fall away. Maybe you’re not allowing things to change because you’re more comfortable with the familiar, even if you know that it’s not the best you could create for yourself. Fear of change is a crippling experience, as it works against Nature itself. The task at hand is to allow for an ending, as it’s timely and right that you do so for the highest good of all. In surrendering to the fundamental purposeful change, you will most definitely find yourself in better circumstances. The action needed is allowing. A rebirth is assured.
SONGS OF THE DAY
#1 - Doing Your Best - Eminem's "Lose Yourself"
Here's a guy who knows how to give it all in the pursuit of his dreams, which is why he's considered by his peers as one of the best rap artists. This song perfectly encapsulates the idea.
#2 - Letting Go - Eminem's "Talkin' 2 Myself"
This is from Eminem's last album, when he finally returned to writing decent music. It's about him listening to some of the rappers out there right now and almost writing raps taking shots at them--and then realizing he didn't want to do it because they sucked (which is cool in rapland) but because they were good. He was jealous. He had to let go of his ego, his embarrassment about hitting bottom, and just refocus back on his own talent.
That's the power of letting go. And while I wouldn't call Eminem an optimist, his first single was "Everybody come take my hand, we'll walk this world together!" and "It's time to exorcise these demons, these motherf***ers are doing jumping jacks now!" :-D I'd say he's in a more positive place than he's been in his life.
Last week Fernando and I watched the episodes of Master Class featuring Oprah. I want to retell a great story she told.
An Oprah Story
She was raped at 9, and pregnant at 14, so when she read The Color Purple she was gobsmacked by it. It starts like this:
The main character has been raped and is pregnant. When Oprah heard it was being made into a movie she was determined to get a part. When she tried out, it was for a role opposite the character Harpo--Oprah spelled backwards. She was sure it was a sign, but the casting director was completely scornful: We have real actresses reading for this part. Alfre Woodard is reading for this part.
Someone told her, if she had any chance at all she'd have to lose weight. So off she went to a fat farm, miserable and hopeless. One day she was running around the track, talking to God. She wondered why he brought her this close to the movie, only to slam the door in her face? But as she ran, she made a decision that she was just going to have to let it go. That if she didn't get the part, it was going to be okay, she just wouldn't see the movie.
But that wasn't good enough, she thought. She had to let it go to the extent that she could see the movie. See the movie and not only accept Alfre Woodard in the part, but enjoy it, and believe her to be the right person for the part. Oprah started singing something to herself, and thinking these thoughts, until she really believed it. Until she finally let The Color Purple go.
RIGHT THEN someone from the retreat ran out and said she had a phone call. It was Steven Spielberg, who was directing The Color Purple. He said: I hear you're at a fat farm. We're considering you for Sofia, but if you lose one pound you might not get the part.
She left the center, and had Dairy Queen on the way home.
"God can dream a bigger dream for me, for you, than you could ever dream for yourself. When you've worked as hard and done as much and strived and tried and given and pled and bargained and hoped...surrender. When you have done all that you can do, and there's nothing left for you to do, give it up. Give it up to that thing that is greater than yourself, and let it then become a part of the flow." (Oprah in Master Class)
I've been thinking about it all week, especially since surrender recently turned up in a card in Julieland and resonated with folk. I don't think we'll all experience the Miracle of the Phone Call at the Fat Farm, but I still think this is great advice: "When you have done all that you can do, and there's nothing left for you to do, give it up."
My Experience
Fernando's avatar.
When my husband and I were first going out, he fell into a depression and I had to ask myself: If he remains like this forever, can I still be with him? And the answer was yes. And that's when I was able to let my worries go. And Cheerful Fernando returned, in his own time.
I was once talking with a friend of Gilby--she was complaining about her boyfriend who always went out with the boys after work and never came home. I gave her the same advice: What if he never changes, can you be happy with him just as he is? She later told Gilby I was an idiot. But only a few months later she'd broken up with the guy and the next time I saw her she had a new man in her life, someone serious and committed to her. My guess is that she let go of the idea that he would change, and that allowed her to let go of him.
Letting go isn't like having a wand that makes your dreams come true the way you want them to. That's not surrender. I think it's about accepting your life as it is in the present, and to accept the idea that if your ideas for the future don't come true, your world won't crumble. And to leave space for even better ideas.
For example, Oprah started off wanting to be a teacher, she became a news reporter, and one day they stuck her on a talk show. And only then did she realize what kind of teacher she wanted to be. She could not have dreamed up that job when she was 10 years old.
The other advantage to letting go is just the peace of mind it brings. What kind of damage do we do to ourselves when we hold onto disappointment and bitterness?
My Final Musings
So. What I've been pondering this week is how to draw the balance between "doing all that you can do" to reach your goals, and "surrendering." Because that's the other part of this statement: You first do everything in your power to make all your goals and dreams come true. Then you let them go. But doing everything can be a long road. If you're trying to be a professional athlete you'll know by a certain age whether it's gonna happen; not so if you're trying to be a published writer.
Maybe there's something to be learned from the idea of wu wei, from yesterday's homework:
The Essential Chijang T/L1 Trans Hamill & Seaton
And now I'm curious if anyone else has ever found "letting go" to be true?
If I had to represent the last few months of my life in a metaphor, I'd choose a big pot of stew. Something that takes a long time to cook, that has at times been at a boil, at other times at a simmer, and into which a big variety of ingredients has been thrown. (Vegan ingredients, bien sûr.)
Now the pot is pretty much ready. I've straightened all my ideas out, cleared up my head (and heart, where some more personal issues were concerned) and I'm simultaneously energized and... going nowhere.
"Lord Ronald said nothing; he flung himself from the room, flung himself upon his horse and rode madly off in all directions.
Thank-you Stephen Leacock. Just too much is ready all at once. Like the hundred ideas I have to write about on this blog, and each night I'm on the horse, going nowhere.* But here's one attempt.
Here is the full theme to Oprah's new network, written by will.i.am:
It reflects one of my favorite life ideas, that came back to me just this week, from Deuteronomy 30:19...
"I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life."
My excellent friend Mae asked me once if this means I think death is bad, so I want to be clear that I don't. I think it's natural, and life comes from death. But even at a genetic level we're programmed to fight for life, like cutting of our arm if it's trapped under a boulder, or saving those dearest to us.
Once death comes, okay, it's meant to come. But in the meantime... When we finally put my poor sick Sherringham cat down, he was so weak, he wasn't moving anymore, he wasn't drinking or eating, he pretty much wasn't choosing life anymore, and I was feeling guilty for having waited longer than I should have. But when it came for the pre-needle, the one to relax him, the little bugger fought it! He reminded me of the Dylan Thomas poem, raging against the dying of the light.
So we need to support our bodies. Choose life. This isn't meant as a shaming for those who commit suicide, because it takes a hella lot to get to the point where you don't want to live (boulder boy!) so I have only compassion for those who do. But short of that...
I don't want to say: We need to get out of bad situations, because that's obvious. No one wants to be in them. But we need to get out of the truly mediocre ones. I don't mean every aspect of your life has to SpArKLe! There's a lot of peace and beauty in normalcy, or ordinariness. Eating pasta and watching Jersey Shore. Your job doesn't have to be your dream job to be Just Right, and your home doesn't need to look like Architectural Digest or an Ikea Catalogue.
But sometimes we settle for situations that slowly bury us alive, one shovel full at a time. And you might not realize it until the dirt is choking you. Romantic relationships, poisonous friendships, or even just the non-choices. Not doing the therapy, or starting that class, or making that decision.
Years ago my husband got a coffee at Starbucks with this quote printed on the side, and it reminded him of someone (not me) so he kept it on his bookcase for, like, ever:
"Failure is hard, but success is far more dangerous. If you're successful at the wrong thing, the mix of praise and money and opportunity can lock you in forever." (Po Bronson)
He never gave it to the person he was keeping it for, but I never forgot it was there. It would occasionally draw me to its side, and I'd flip over the crumpled cardboard and read the quote again, then float guiltily away. Over and over. Like a clean load of laundry I just don't want to fold and put away. ...Okay so sometimes the dirt can be landing on you, you're aware of it, and you still don't get up out of the hole.
Choose life. However you can, whenever you can. When you can muster up a little strength.
Daedalus simply presented Ariadne with a skein of linen thread, which the visiting hero might fix to the entrance and unwind as he went into the maze. It is, indeed, very little that we need! (Joseph Campbell)
And if you can't muster up the strength, I've discovered the secret failsafe built into the universe. If you stop choosing choosing between life and death, blessing and cursing, Life comes along, grabs you by the scruff of the neck...
And dumps you in a big pot of stew.
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*I asked urthalun how she keeps up with her wide blogatude reading and she replied she's a sans-young-kids, doesn't have a job, doesn't clean, and stays up very late. I LAUGHED. I have no kids, no job, don't clean, and was reading it at 5 AM, just before going to bed. :-D There's just no excuse for me!!
