Positivity: Some assembly required

An idea that is developed and put into action is more important than an idea that exists only as an idea. - Siddhartha Gautama Buddha

So positive thinking week continues here in Mabel Land...

 

Maybe one of the reasons positive thinking gets a bad rap is because some portray it as:

(A) Think positive -->  (B) Things get better

without inserting some sort of action between A and B. And when that doesn't work, people get all anti-stoopid-positive-thinking. It's bunk, this positive thinking crapolatude.

Back in April I posted some stories about Oprah--she sees the goal process sort of like this...

* Want something passionately
* Be positive AND do everything in your power to bring it about
* Then let go of your desire
* Trust that whether you Get or Don't Get the thing you were aiming for, it will be the right path for your life

In one case this led her down a totally unexpected path: She wanted to be a teacher, and ended up a talk show host, where she did teacherly things. If she had never let go of the teacher dream maybe she would have become a mediocre teacher, or a good but unhappy teacher, or ended up in some other random job bitter and depressed. But instead she let the dream go and allowed life to lead her down a new path.

Another time, she desired with all her heart to act in the film version of The Color Purple. It looked like she wouldn't get it, but she kept doing what she thought she should, until one day as she ran 'round the track at a fat farm she finally let the dream go, completely. A moment later she got a call from Spielberg who said to get out! If she lost a single pound she wouldn't get the part!

In both cases she didn't sit back and stare at the wall, waiting to become a teacher, or waiting to get the part. She did all she could do, and then let go.

I don't write this as a shaming--someone who is in a depression or has a chronic illness, etc. might be capable of less *action* in pursuit of their goals. Whatever "doing everything in one's power" means can only be judged by ourselves. But Helen Keller said, "because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do." (She was a total Pollyanna.)

All this to say, positive thinking should lead to some action (unless you just need to meditate cause you're very stressed out.) But equally important--once you've done your darnedest--recognize it, and shift directions before you drive yourself mad, or into depression and bitterness. 

The idea is well expressed in this oracle deck I like...

(I've drawn this card twice in the last few months, once in each direction. Lolz!)

 

Ally (right side up) The Phoenix is constantly reinventing itself and rises up whole and new and even more powerful with every death it experiences. This could signal an end of a relationship -or a dynamic within one- or an end of a job, a project, or even a life.

Perhaps no failure is involved, but it's time for a complete overhaul of your circumstances. You may be tired of what you're doing, or you may know intuitively that it's time to move on and try something new. Whatever the case, a death of the old and a celebration of the new are called for! Whatever you do now will indeed be a successful endeavor, for a rebirth is imminent!

Challenger (upside down) When the Phoenix challenges you, it’s really just a gentle reminder to let go and let what doesn’t work fall away. Maybe you’re not allowing things to change because you’re more comfortable with the familiar, even if you know that it’s not the best you could create for yourself. Fear of change is a crippling experience, as it works against Nature itself. The task at hand is to allow for an ending, as it’s timely and right that you do so for the highest good of all. In surrendering to the fundamental purposeful change, you will most definitely find yourself in better circumstances. The action needed is allowing. A rebirth is assured.

 

SONGS OF THE DAY

#1 - Doing Your Best - Eminem's "Lose Yourself"

Here's a guy who knows how to give it all in the pursuit of his dreams, which is why he's considered by his peers as one of the best rap artists. This song perfectly encapsulates the idea.

#2 - Letting Go - Eminem's "Talkin' 2 Myself"

This is from Eminem's last album, when he finally returned to writing decent music. It's about him listening to some of the rappers out there right now and almost writing raps taking shots at them--and then realizing he didn't want to do it because they sucked (which is cool in rapland) but because they were good. He was jealous. He had to let go of his ego, his embarrassment about hitting bottom, and just refocus back on his own talent. 

That's the power of letting go. And while I wouldn't call Eminem an optimist, his first single was "Everybody come take my hand, we'll walk this world together!" and "It's time to exorcise these demons, these motherf***ers are doing jumping jacks now!"   :-D  I'd say he's in a more positive place than he's been in his life.

         

I Surrender! (zee art of letting gooo)

Last week Fernando and I watched the episodes of Master Class featuring Oprah. I want to retell a great story she told.

An Oprah Story
She was raped at 9, and pregnant at 14, so when she read The Color Purple she was gobsmacked by it. It starts like this:

The main character has been raped and is pregnant. When Oprah heard it was being made into a movie she was determined to get a part. When she tried out, it was for a role opposite the character Harpo--Oprah spelled backwards. She was sure it was a sign, but the casting director was completely scornful: We have real actresses reading for this part. Alfre Woodard is reading for this part.

Someone told her, if she had any chance at all she'd have to lose weight. So off she went to a fat farm, miserable and hopeless. One day she was running around the track, talking to God. She wondered why he brought her this close to the movie, only to slam the door in her face? But as she ran, she made a decision that she was just going to have to let it go. That if she didn't get the part, it was going to be okay, she just wouldn't see the movie.

But that wasn't good enough, she thought. She had to let it go to the extent that she could see the movie. See the movie and not only accept Alfre Woodard in the part, but enjoy it, and believe her to be the right person for the part. Oprah started singing something to herself, and thinking these thoughts, until she really believed it. Until she finally let The Color Purple go.

RIGHT THEN someone from the retreat ran out and said she had a phone call. It was Steven Spielberg, who was directing The Color Purple. He said: I hear you're at a fat farm. We're considering you for Sofia, but if you lose one pound you might not get the part.

She left the center, and had Dairy Queen on the way home.

"God can dream a bigger dream for me, for you, than you could ever dream for yourself. When you've worked as hard and done as much and strived and tried and given and pled and bargained and hoped...surrender. When you have done all that you can do, and there's nothing left for you to do, give it up. Give it up to that thing that is greater than yourself, and let it then become a part of the flow." (Oprah in Master Class)

I've been thinking about it all week, especially since surrender recently turned up in a card in Julieland and resonated with folk. I don't think we'll all experience the Miracle of the Phone Call at the Fat Farm, but I still think this is great advice: "When you have done all that you can do, and there's nothing left for you to do, give it up."

My Experience

Fernando's avatar.

When my husband and I were first going out, he fell into a depression and I had to ask myself: If he remains like this forever, can I still be with him? And the answer was yes. And that's when I was able to let my worries go. And Cheerful Fernando returned, in his own time.

I was once talking with a friend of Gilby--she was complaining about her boyfriend who always went out with the boys after work and never came home. I gave her the same advice: What if he never changes, can you be happy with him just as he is? She later told Gilby I was an idiot. But only a few months later she'd broken up with the guy and the next time I saw her she had a new man in her life, someone serious and committed to her. My guess is that she let go of the idea that he would change, and that allowed her to let go of him.

Letting go isn't like having a wand that makes your dreams come true the way you want them to. That's not surrender. I think it's about accepting your life as it is in the present, and to accept the idea that if your ideas for the future don't come true, your world won't crumble. And to leave space for even better ideas.

For example, Oprah started off wanting to be a teacher, she became a news reporter, and one day they stuck her on a talk show. And only then did she realize what kind of teacher she wanted to be. She could not have dreamed up that job when she was 10 years old.



The other advantage to letting go is just the peace of mind it brings. What kind of damage do we do to ourselves when we hold onto disappointment and bitterness?

My Final Musings
So. What I've been pondering this week is how to draw the balance between "doing all that you can do" to reach your goals, and "surrendering." Because that's the other part of this statement: You first do everything in your power to make all your goals and dreams come true. Then you let them go. But doing everything can be a long road. If you're trying to be a professional athlete you'll know by a certain age whether it's gonna happen; not so if you're trying to be a published writer.

 

Maybe there's something to be learned from the idea of wu wei, from yesterday's homework:

The Essential Chijang T/L1 Trans Hamill & Seaton

And now I'm curious if anyone else has ever found "letting go" to be true?


[Further edits done April 20.]