Yesterday was a bit weird.
I've been finding lately
that the depressions is lifting, and I'm more often feeling like Yea
Aulde Selfe. But today it came and bited me on the bottom again. I felt
very homesick for Fernando and Kittehs.
Earlier this
week, when I was feeling good, I'd agreed to go with my parents to the
dinner they were invited to. This is something I've resisted since
coming here. I'm not crazy about spending time with strangers, my
reasoning being: I have so many good, good friends who I don't see
enough--if I've got time to socialize, then I'd rather be deepening
those relationships. And the rest of the time I like to be at home.
Being with others energizes me to some extent (extrovert) but then I
still need masses of time to myself (introvert.)
Anyway,
I did it for my daddio. But then I woke up under SUCH a cloud, it was
awful. Dragged myself through the day, grumplestiltskins. Their friends
were lovely, lovely, people, and I hope I got through it without
coming off as an asshole. But in the end, this must be one of the
reasons we isolate when we're depressed: Cause we don't want to
disappoint others. Or snap at them. Or be mean. We don't want to be in
situations where failure is a higher statistical probability.
Oh well. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
____LOVE SONG OF THE DAY: SEX MONTH____
Love
this whole album. Our parents had this album when we were kids and we
thought this was just a baseball game. One of the great sex songs of our
time. I can sing every word. "Paradise by the Dashboard Light" -- the
juxtaposition of heaven and a car has Jim Steinman written all over it.
Love that he can write a beautiful line like...
Baby don't you hear my heart?
You've got it drowning out the radio
...alongside monumental cheese:
So open up your eyes I've got a big surprise
It'll feel alright, well I wanna make your motor run!
5 comments:
Hope the blues have lightened. I'm like you when I'm in a funk. I'd rather stay in and read that subject others to my gloom. ; )
Some days we just want to walk around saying, "Bah! Humbug!" ... and frown at everyone.
Yeah I don't like to go to the social events my mom would drag me to if I weren't fiercely protective of my time. Every wedding, shower, funeral that she can even distantly relate to for miles around. Uh - no.
Sorry about the depression. I just finished Sarah-Kate Lynch's book Finding Tom Conner. In it the main character has good reason for depression and she just keeps going from disaster to disaster. Until one disaster leads her to a hea. The thing is, amidst the disasters there is such humor, and not hollywood humor, real humor. There are a couple of things that I will laugh about for days.
Oh you described it perfectly! And yes, staying ALONE is probably our survival instinct.
This album!!! It was something truly special when it first came out, and it appears, holds up well over time, too.
I still know all the words to all the songs..... oh the memories.
Julie
(who is singing along now)
Thanks all, of COURSE I knew you'd understand. ;-)
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