Got feminisms on the mind lately. I've been thinking: Are there very many men who hate women? I feel like I haven't met many women-haters in my life. It came up in Caitlin Moran's book too--she thinks it's usually not about hate either. What do you guys think? (I know there are women who don't like other women--met plenty of those.)
Is it possible I just haven't met many of these men because, well let's face it, if a man hated women he wouldn't hang around a feminist like myself. I don't think I'm threatening at first glance, but I don't back down from bullies. In my experience men are often better at logic-based arguing, and use this to win arguments, especially against women. They haven't really won cause you can tell the other person isn't swayed, but she shuts up because she doesn't know how to debate.
I do know how to debate. I've been that person who accidentally steamrollers over other people's opinions, and I'm happy to pull out my skills on a fellow bulldozer. I enjoy myself. But I don't think women-haters care for bull-dozer fight scenes. So maybe there's this huge % of the population out there, running around hating women!
I think what's more likely is that men are confused. The roles of men and women have been changing a lot since the 60s (just watch Mad Men -- shudder) and they're still changing. As we continue to open up the boundaries of femininity and masculinity, how that relates to transvestites, transsexuals, people with both genitalia, etc. there's no sign of a new Masculinity, a new Femininity that we can all settle into. Well, that's the point right? We want to be regarded as Humans. We should be whatever the hell we want.
I guess I need to start asking men about this. I can have theories, but I'm not a dude.
6 comments:
I think the biggest part of the confusion is that women have been finding new roles and new definitions of what it means to be a woman, but men still don't have that. What are they supposed to be? Everything still tells them to be the breadwinner and the strong one, but they are used to being needed for their "manly" skills and attribute and that's not what women need them for anymore. And I think women haven't been very good at helping men see how they are needed and what kinds of new roles are open to them. Plus, boys are still not allowed to wear sparkly colorful clothing or skirts or anything like that, so they are still stuck in the old roles there, too. Men haven't been the beneficiaries of as much freedom as women have yet. We need to help with that.
I think part of what is going on is that men aren't allowed to have men-only spaces anymore. A portion of the male population just prefer the company of other men. There was a time they had men-only taverns or golf clubs or whatnot and these sorts of things have come under attack over the last few decades. They are told they are sexist, that they are bad, but all they want is to hang out with "The Boys."
I suspect much of the hatred vented at Feminist Frequency and SkepChick is a backlash at women invading scientific conferences and the world of video games - a onetime haven for nerdy men who wanted to hang out in safe, all-male environments.
It'd be an interesting world now if there'd been enough men back in the 70's who saw that a new paradigm was required in order for them to match what femininsts were creating.
Brother Paul - your theory may be correct but the reason women fought so hard against those clubs is they were used for so much more - such as business meetings and decisions that did not include the women who worked with and for them.
I think the number of men who hate women is probably small. The thing is they are in some highly visible places and their hatred of women is hidden. Rush Limbaugh, Bill Maher for example.
And I don't know why men in politics and the women behind them are afraid of women progressing, but they are. If it's true that women have equal pay now (which it's not) then what harm could come from passing Lily Ledbetter. If there was no inequality to battle it would just be a law that sat there idle. All the politicians who voted against it know, if women are given a way to fight for equal pay, things will change.
It's actually a hard question because when you look at it in broad terms it seems there are a lot of men and women who hate women.
When it comes to individual woman-haters: yeah, I don't know too many of those since they're not the sort of person I'd want to hang out with and vice versa. I can think of a couple of men I know that I think qualify. Unfortunately for them, they're heterosexual and can't get laid without "the enemy." I feel very, very sorry for the women they are with. Those women are not treated well. I do not get why they don't leave, either.
I am not so much concerned for the specific woman-hater man so much as the general sense of woman hating, though. I think there's a lot of overall hate against women, particularly in areas of power, and some areas of the media. It seems like the more old, rich, powerful, and white a dude is, the more likely he is to have some kind of "no birth control, women back in the kitchen" 'tude going on. They probably feel threatened that they aren't by default the top of the heap any more, I suppose.
But this attitude of "women are the lowest of the low" has been going on for a very, very long time. And I truly wonder: WHY IS THIS? What the hell could we have possibly done to men to have this overall cosmic rage directed against us all the time? Is it just that we're smaller and weaker than they are so they can beat and squash us and don't respect us? Is that really the secret? I suspect it is.
@Skye - I agree. And this "Plus, boys are still not allowed to wear sparkly colorful clothing or skirts" is so true.
@Paul - I had the same thought as JJJ. Those spaces were harmful when they were repositories for power. (Same reason it sucked that they banned Jewish people, black people etc.) But I don't disagree with male or female clubs, in theory. And your thoughts about the conventions as male spaces are interesting. Hmm hmmm!
@JJJ & Jennifer - I agree about the more generalized feeling of hatred, especially in the US right now. The Republicans have gone nuts, letting the Tea Party overwhelm them. The TP hold seriously f*cked up ideas.
@Jennifer - We need to look up the anthropology theories on this. There must be many! I know of one... I'll post it later this week.
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