Well, I've decided to stop Nanowrimo again. Well, if I happen to write 50 000 words this month, then great--I don't want to stop writing my story. But although I'm at 16 000 words, which is still in the achievable realm for me (the perpetual late starter), it's been similarly torturous like last year. Not the same, cause I don't hate my book like last year; but there's been no fun involved. Writing is work, but there should be some pleasure.
And when I'm procrastinating I waste my time a lot. I don't want to watch really engrossing movies or work on crochet and get hooked on it, cause I'm trying to only procrastinate in ways that are easier to disengage from. The result is a lot of wasted time. A LOT. Cause it's not like I procrastinate and then spend a few really productive hours, which was my way in the past. I just keep procrastinating and procrastinating and making myself miserable.
And it's not even like the writing's going badly. It's just coming vair vair slowly.
I don't know what's the problem I'm still having. It could be...
(1) Mid-life crisis. The ole what-is-my-life 40s. And writing falls under the general heading.
(2) Writer no more: Maybe it's no longer something I want to do!
(3) Life in Limbo: I don't have my old writing desk, my writing pals, my candles, my super chair, my apartment, my two cats, my marriage... It may be that my brain associates this current life with watching TV and crocheting.
(4) Or it might be Nanowrimo, and not me. It may no longer serve my purpose. The years I succeeded I was pantsing, and it was a lot of fun. Which might suggest the problem here is my determination to plot. The only problem is the last few times I pantsed, even outside of Nano, I was very unhappy with the end result. Massive overhauling was required, and that was no longer working for me either.
The one thing I do want is a regular writing habit, so I don't want to give up working on the story. I'm glad I had Nano to kickstart me, but now I need to let a more organic process take over. In years I did Nano, I'd end up not writing at all in December cause I was worn out and ready to get back to watching Christmas movies. I don't really want to be in that spot again. I'd rather do 400 words a day and each month.
Anyway, we'll see what happens. :-)
5 comments:
We know Luke is having a hard time learning from Yoda on Dagoba, but heck, it's only for a few seconds at a time, then we switch to another sub-plot, and after half an hour, it's all done and he's packing up to go save his friends.
Why can't life be like the movieeeeees!!!? ;-)
I find Nano is too artificial for me. I did very well writing on my novel a bit every day and then sharing it in serial fashion with 3 friends, who gave me that cheerleading and accountability that helped me continue. I am a pantser and probably always will be.
I think that simply developing a regular writing habit is key. I don't know that Nano does that for the reason you named: burnout at the end of the month. You are trying to do things differently, none of your usual routines and keys are in place: it seems completely reasonable that Nano would be completely different for you.
I hope that taking the pressure off allows you to write regularly. I'd love to see what you create.
I'm coming to understand that NaNo teaches us a great many things, not necessarily about writing ... follow your heart.
The year I tried plotting, I bombed NaNo. I am a pantser too. I recently read, I think it was Bob Mayer, saying that you put the same amount of work into a book regardless, it's just a matter of whether you put that work in at the beginning or at the end. For all that I belly ached about doing revisions, I honestly didn't think it was as horrific as I had feared. That said, I am trying to do at least a little outlining before I start my next book. Don't give up on writing. Your beta read for me was invaluable. Just find your process and honor that. Good luck.
@alu - Well, I'm sure Yoda would say: End point of journey, not the goal. Learn you must. Experience life.
@Skye - The daily habit is definitely what I want to focus on this year. Sometimes it's only a couple paragraphs. I have to let my brain know that it's okay to just dip my toe in, better than nothing.
@widders - So true.
@ab - I've decided to stick out the plotting for this book and see where it gets me. Learn something new, even if I don't stick to it.
Thanks all for the encouragement!
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